It's A Bundyful Life. ('Twas The Night Before Christmas by Al Bundy)

May 28, 2017

This was one of my favourite episodes of Married With Children. Originally airing on December 17th, 1989 this is the trash tv interpretation of the 1946 Christmas film, It's A Wonderful Life. Instead of Clarence the compassionate angel showing our depressed hero the value of his life we have Sam Kinison. How I love Sam Kinison! Our tv hero, Al, the Dad-of-Dads, is down in the dumps at Christmas. After his best efforts at giving something to his much-hated family he wonders what life would have been like without him. After seeing how much happier everyone would have been had he not been born he decides to live.

One of the highlights of this two-part episode is during one of Al's last-ditch efforts at earning some money to buy his family Christmas presents. He has agreed to babysit horrible children in the shoe store while their horrible mothers go shopping. While the kids are tied up with festive garland they demand entertainment. Al recites the overworked, unappreciated, blue collar version of 'Twas The Night Before Christmas.

To see the original F0X Promo for the episode click here.
To see the recitation of the greatest Christmas poem ever spoken click here.

'Twas the night before Christmas,

And all through the house,

No food was a-stirrin',
Not even a mouse.

Stockings were hung round
Dad's neck like a tie,

Along with a note that said,
"Presents or die."

Children were plotting

All night in their beds,
While the wife's constant whining
Was splitting his head.

But Daddy had money
This year in the bank,
Then they closed up early,
And now Dad's in the tank.

All of a sudden,
Santa appeared,
A sneer on his face,
Booze in his beard.

"Santa," I said,
As he laughed merrily,
"You do so much for others,
Do something for me."

"Bundy," he said,
"You only sell shoes,
Your son is a sneak thief,
Your daughter's a floose."

"Ho ho," Santa said,
"Should I mention your wife?
Her hair's like an A-bomb,
Her nails like a knife."

He climbs up the chimney,
That fat piece of dung,
He mooned me two times,
He stuck out his tongue.

I heard him exclaim,
As he broke wind with glee,
"You're married with children,
You'll never be free."